When a Hobby is Neither pleasurable nor confined to leisure time-repost from before "the crash"9/14/2017 In light of my recent determination to express gratitude I was explaining how grateful I am that I am privileged to be an at-home mother and wife with a supportive network around me and the liberty to choose the activities which allow me to cultivate my life as I see fit. Gratitude. Freedom. Choice. Self-direction. What wonderful words. They are values I hope to sew into my children’s heart. They are privileges I hope they, and I, never take for granted.
I am privileged to be a woman who can and does collect hobbies. I loved the thrill of the new skill learned, the focus demanded by studying, taking notes, and planning. I often like the implementation of these grand plans less but that is another conversation. And, truthfully, I love to see the product created appreciated. I am thrilled to see the book I wrote read; the hat I crocheted worn; the party I planned enjoyed and remembered. For the never-recovering nerd in my heart appreciation is the A+ on the term paper of hobbies. I have been reading recently about the idea of homeschooling from rest-not laziness and not without diligence- but from a more peaceful state of mind. The book, Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler’s Guide to Unshakeable Peace, is by Sarah Mackenzie. I watch my child try to adopt activity after activity because the idea of this new thing and its potential calls to him. It makes me wonder about rest. If the purpose of my homeschooling is to teach him, and later my daughter, how to learn, how to marvel, and how to ask questions then I must critically review his activities and my own example. Am I making a habit, with my hobbies, of not pursuing relaxation and enjoyment? Am I adopting hobbies without consideration of their potential benefit or harm? An informal poll in my house suggest that this may be the case. Oops. While they are grateful that I have stopped rearranging the living room furniture I apparently get a little cranky mid-project. I also overcommit. A hobby is an activity performed for pleasure during times of leisure. It is not something we overcommit to and then regret. It is not something we allow to take away from other obligations, from the people we value, or from our need for peace. The child may enjoy the video game but must still do his or her chores, interact with his or her family and friends in the real world, and still pursue himself or herself in moments of quiet. The mother may enjoy her books but cannot abandon the world for them. I enjoy the texture and color of yarn. I love it for its possibility and for the gifts it may compel me to make. I can spend hours crocheting or knitting and have been known to work late into the night on an exciting project or troubling pattern. A pleasure, yes. Until it is not. Until I become so focused on that troubling pattern that my tension builds, I keep asking for a “few more minutes,” and I snip at those asking for my attention. While I firmly believe it is important for our children to see us pursuing our own passions and identity outside of parenthood in this hyper-focus I lose both pleasure and the luxury of leisure. My body responds to this lack of respect for hobby by triggering what I can only call a searing pain down the back left side of my neck. My tension spot. Do you have one? Once triggered, this spot stays with me for at least a day. It effects my mood, my posture, my movement, and my energy levels. I am tired, stiff, fidgety, and cranky all because I ignored my body’s signs to stop, to rest, to walk away. I rolled my neck or stretched it in order to keep going, keep working, keep doing. When my hobby is neither pleasurable nor confined to leisure time it loses it purpose and becomes another duty. There are enough musts and shoulds without self-imposing more. The pursuit of balance must therefore include a commitment to keep a hobby as it is intended. As a model of self-care I must listen to my body cues. I say this of course as I try in vain to stretch my sore neck and rest my sore muscles. Despite recovering from the slowest healing sprained ankle in recorded history we chose to indulge a family hobby of hiking yesterday. We selected, at random, South River Falls in Shenandoah National Park. Eh, it is probably about 2 miles, we eyeballed. We just had a big breakfast so no need to carry our picnic lunch. We got this! Moderate Difficulty. 1,000 feet elevation change. The novelty of learning how to drink directly from a cold mountain stream. A beautiful, awe-inspiring vista of an 83 foot waterfall. And then the trip back. Oh how that 1.3 miles uphill back tested us! How it tested me as I lugged 20 some-odd pounds of toddler singing loudly, “We gonna have sandwiches! We gonna have sandwiches!” But we did it. I am happy to report that I sang along; that I smiled and laughed even at the end. My husband refrained from blazing ahead and walked with us. The kiddo only collapsed dramatically half a dozen times on the journey back and the little girl let her daddy back carry her for eight minutes and then the last ten! Exhausted heaps upon the grass gleefully ate their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Contented children relaxed on the drive home and later still had the energy for after-dinner yoga and a few minutes with the martial arts bag. We honored our hobby by keeping it pleasurable and within the time bounds of leisure activity. We relaxed and enjoyed ourselves. The sore neck and sore muscles will fade. They are a healthy reminder of healthy activity. The next time I sit down to crochet I will try to remember the joy of that afternoon in the cool air. I will try to model self-care by stopping when I need to stop, and by not putting too much pressure on myself to “get it done.” I will practice yoga after I practice with my yarn. I will encourage self-care by asking my son to consider which hobbies are bringing him joy and which are not. Perhaps, this month I will hang a picture of that waterfall as a gentle reminder. I invite you to ask your questions and place your reminders. Are your hobbies true pleasures confined to leisure or another task? Are you children honoring their need for rest? What image conjures up peace for you and yours?
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
What I writeI believe in the power of intuition. I believe in trusting my own instinct, my own heart, and my tribe. I write about what I have learned to look for and what I hope might help others. Please, feel free to comment at any point about a blog you have read. Genuine discourse furthers our growth. I guess I believe that too :) |